By: Micah Stipech
April 1st, 2022
In an unprecedented turn of events, University of California [UC] Berkeley has accepted the entire senior class. Well, all except one.
Canton Cope, class of 2022, was rejected from UC Berkeley. It was his top choice.
“At first, it was pretty depressing, but my mom bought me ice cream so who needs a future?” Cope says.
Cope maintained a 4.7 GPA throughout his entire high school career, is an avid competitor in FBLA [Future Business Leaders of America], and participates in school leadership.
“I honestly don’t know why they refused my application.” he says.
Leila Welsh, class of 2022, says “Oh yeah, I heard about Canton, sad that he couldn’t make it like the rest of us.”
Welsh says, “I actually submitted an application to become a Certified Barber, but apparently I had the wrong address. I only realized after my UC Berkeley acceptance letter came in.”
To celebrate the rest of the school, a “Senior Lunch” will be held on campus the Monday of April 18th.
“I’m quite excited,” says Welsh. “I heard they may have pizza, and I’m a teenager, so I really like pizza.”
Invitations have already been sent out to the Seniors, including one to Cope, accidentally.
He says, “They gave it [the invitation] to me during second period. I was a little confused, but I just kept it. Somebody came in third period to take it away from me. Very sad day.”
Berkeley must have been quite impressed with all of the students to let them all in, besides Cope of course.
“I mean most of them Rangers are pretty darn cool,” says Berkeley President Burk Lee. “They all deserve this. Well, most of them at least.”
UC Berkeley Admissions Director Issac Williams says, “We’ve all heard about Canton Cope around here, on the paper he was a good kid, but he just seemed a little basic. Definitely not what we’re looking for here.”
Cope has started a lawn-care business and hopes to raise enough money for at least two months of rent. He will then reevaluate his future.
Today is April 1st.
Tags: april fools, ha we got you!, redwood gigantea, redwood high school, redwood rangers, satire, visalia ca
