By: Micah Stipech
April 1st, 2022
The double-tailed yellow soup lizard, known for being brewed in soups during the Paleozoic Era, the lizard was been labeled extinct for eras. Until now.
Ariana Finch, class of 2023, says “I didn’t know there were any extinct lizards.”
Finch discovered the “beast”. She says, “I just [searched by image], and [discovered] everybody thinks [the lizard is] dead.”
The creature is indigineous to East Africa. Scholars believe it may have stowed away on the Mayflower in 1620, leading to this spotting in Central California.
“The journey must have been tough for that poor guy,” says Mike Shaw, a local retired Biology professor.
He adds, “Imagine, given the long lifespan of these creatures, this specific lizard is as old as Redwood itself, there for every historical moment.”
“It was quite beautiful,” Finch says. “I would’ve taken it home as a pet, but unfortunately the FBAP [Federal Bureau of Animal Preservation] stepped in.”
Finch may have not been the first to spot the creature. Daryl Brett, class of 1997, says “I’ve seen it around once or twice. I’ve thought about petting it, but I was worried it was poisonous.”
“I’m excited to know this creature is alive,” Shaw says. “Very sad about the soup thing, however.”
FBAP has decided follow tradition and add the lizard into a stew. The stew will be served to the President of the United States at his next banquet.
Today is April 1st.
Tags: april fools, ha we got you!, redwood gigantea, redwood high school, redwood rangers, satire, visalia ca
