By: Micah Stipech
Published April 1st, 2022
AP [Advanced Placement] Literature often engages in discussions and debates.
Nate Mullet can typically keep his class under control, but following a discussion of a theoretical egg, the class has been left with two warring factions.
“Eggs are stupid, and frankly I don’t want to be in a school where I need to [work with] the foolish adolescence of any soul who believes elsewise!” says Jayce Pennington, class of 2022.
A faction has formed with Pennington and many others. Students Against Eggs [SAE] are anti-egg and are not afraid to prove otherwise.
To fight back, Students Against Students Against Eggs [SASAE] was formed.
SASAE President Mohammad Jacobson, class of 2022, says “Don’t get me wrong, we also think eggs are stupid-but not for the idiotic reasons that Students Against Eggs do.”
Mullet warns nearby classrooms to keep doors locked. He says, “None of us are safe in the crossfire. I’ve already seen too many casualties.”
Funding their militia with money stolen from Mullet, SAE and SASAE are now fully engulfed in war, attacking each other at strategic times in and out of the classroom.
“This is war,” says Jacobson. “If they don’t admit they’re wrong, we may have to start insulting their pride.”
“Oh no,” says Pennington. “They’re wrong. And honestly why would anybody possibly hate an egg for those reasons?”
It’s unclear as to what each side believes, and how they disagree. Daniel Freeman ’22, says “I just joined SAE because their name was the simpler one. I honestly have no idea what we stand for.”
Regardless, it does not stop these two “cliques” from attacking each other at every given turn.
Just last Thursday, SAE members attacked SASAE at Doc’s Grill, where they gathered for a team meeting at lunch.
The students carried out the attack with feather launchers. Nobody was injured.
Mullet has deep regret in asking students to discuss the philosophical aspects of Humpty Dumpty.
“I just hope it all ends soon,” says Mullet. “I’m definitely taking the Humpty Dumpty quiz out of tomorrow’s plans.”
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