Boys locker room infested with Axe particles and moldy food; Biohazard team arrives

By: Ayla Ozturk

Today, April 1, the boys locker room was discovered to be infested with Axe Spray particles and moldy food.

A biohazard team was immediately called after swim Coach Joey Chlorine discovered a Meghan Fox shrine in one of the lockers.

The shrine contained photos and “offerings” to what the boys call “the goddess of the locker room”.

The “offerings” were mainly Chick-Fil-A sandwiches and choclate chip muffins.

Chris Saddle, class of 2025, created the shrine in a locker next to him. He used Axe spray and a pair of safety scissors to pry the lock off.

The locker belonged to Jackson Pulley before Saddle turned it into a shrine.

Pulley says, “When I walked into the locker room after PE [physical education] it smelled like Axe Apollo. I use Phoenix, the superior scent. I knew something was wrong because the locker room normally doesn’t have a smell.”

He adds, “When I got to my locker, I saw that Chris [Saddle] had created my locker into a Meghan Fox shrine. I was [upset] at first, but I grew to love it. I just put my stuff in Chris’s locker now.”

According to biohazard chief Daniel Lopez, Axe Spray particles can build up over time and become a resistant bacteria.

“The food was covered in black mold and Axe Spray growths. I’m shocked that the kids are alive,” Lopez reports.

The biohazard team removed the particle growths, the mold, and inevitably the shrine.

The locker room is sealed off to protect others, but the boys have been seen trying to get in.

Saddle and Pulley said that they are going to recreate the shrine as soon as they can. Pulley says, “We [the boys] are going to make it bigger and better!”

Principal Cat Chin says that he created a Courtney Cox shrine with the other boys when he was in high school. “I’m disgusted yet intrigued. Impressed, even,” he says.

Tags: april fools, ha we got you!, redwood gigantea, redwood high school, redwood rangers, satire, visalia ca